3/9/26, “The Battle of Louise Drive or, Locael Politick.”

the night’s public hearing regarding rezoning a given property from R-1 to R-2

(i.e., from a single-family home to a duplex)

was the highlight of this March 16th meeting,

and the reason for the room being swimming with bodies—

I sit sandwiched between two mutual representatives of the neighborhood

under consideration, the plot at a U bend having passed hands several times

without process or progress, until now where in this same block, same locale

houses a majority of the JSU baseball team

even one of the football coaches, praeter meritum remuneratus, and their athletic retinue

take up residence on this robust and respected community street bearing no ill will

despite a noted increase in sports ownership-related traffic

—and yet,

there are many-a taker seeking to speak their peace as to the fate of their block

should a contractor have free reign on this lot.

The first representative of the builders speaks quietly and carries a brief PowerPoint

presentation, slides showing that the given property is already surrounded by R-2s

largely inhabited by college students and examples of other such projects,

the houses bare of ornamentation, the façade lacking ostentation and downwind

of an empty, building-wide concrete “parking lot” that leaves something to be desired.

No shortage of voices come up to the podium—

they are not impressed—

college town or no, the noise complaints and mess from aforementioned R-2s is a concern.

Shortly, another representative builder—him carrying a loud voice and naught else—

takes to the podium; full of piss and vinegar and angry at the initial decision to decline the change from R-1 to R-2, states:

“You can’t handcuff the council because you dislike progress” and:

“There’s no reason to decline us other than people crying about it.”

From my outside perspective, I can safely say that this is not the way to make friends.

There are many follow-up retorts, some so quick I can barely keep up, my pen ablaze—

Some more compelling than others, mind you:

“George Douthit lied about building houses rather than apartments, so why should we believe you?”

“This is opening Pandora’s Box! What’s next, businesses run from residences?”

“FEMA said these lots may be in a flood zone, and they just recoup costs after Katrina

[Citation Needed]”

Jacksons: “R-2 properties revert back to R-1s unused, so we expect this to be the same…

Nothing wrong with duplexes/apartments, we just want single-family homes on our street.”

Newton [to the council] “Reminds me that I need to talk to you about curb repair.”

Norman: “This move will obliterate our privacy.”

Slade: “When does the R-2 [encroachment] stop?”

“You called them parking lots not driveways. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE.”

               All of this continues in a swirling gyre with the council reasonably unmoved

               to change their minds, all while a peal of thunder outside followed by the weather

               system announces the arrival of a   SEVERE             THUNDERSTORM                WARNING!!

               per the Fire Chief’s sage interruption.

“[We could do this all night but we should wrap up so everyone can get home safely.]”

Ten minutes later of announcements, and we’re outside peppered by fat drops of rain

giving way to a cascade of falling sheets, wishing well, and a white knuckle ride,

               and I can’t help but think,                     why not turn the lot into a local park?

               A place to rest, to laugh and slide,

               A place for people to play over profit—

But you can’t charge monthly rent for a gazebo.

-Johnny Byutorie